


a book and its cover

by paragraph (ebcdic)



Category: Ozzy Osbourne (Musician), Rob Zombie - Fandom
Genre: Art, Awkward Conversations, Confessions, Derogatory Language, Embarrassment, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Punching, Sexist Language, Surprise Kissing, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 00:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12759396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ebcdic/pseuds/paragraph
Summary: Zakk surprises Rob.





	a book and its cover

"I don't understand what the big deal is," Rob said as he tugged at his blindfold.

"Don't touch it, fucker," Zakk replied without taking his eyes off the road.

Rob sighed and slouched down in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine, but if it turns out you're dragging me to a Meshuggah concert, I'm leaving you."

"Oh, no!" Zakk mocked. "I'd be fuckin' devastated."

Rob grinned blindly in Zakk's direction. "You would."

"Would not, cunt."

"Would."

"Would not. Shut up, fucker."

Rob laughed. "Seriously, where are we going? What's the big damn secret?"

Zakk nervously flexed his hands against the steering wheel, ignoring the question. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Rob and caught him staring blindly in his direction. Coughing slightly, he turned his eyes back to the road.

"Uhhh. You're not dying or something, are you?" Rob asked after a long period of silence.

Zakk started and almost hit a parked car before jerking the steering wheel to the left. "No!"

"Why are you being so fucking secretive then?" Rob retorted.

"Just--" Zakk cut himself off and sighed. "Can you just fuckin' trust me for once?"

Rob held up his hands. "Yeah. Okay. Whatever." 

"I didn't--"

"I said okay."

"Right." Rob rolled his eyes and moved to take off the blindfold. "Don't!" Zakk yelled.

Rob ignored him and ripped it off just in time to see a giant marble lion staring down at him as they drove past it. "Huh?"

Zakk resisted the urge to shut his eyes and mutter under his breath, seeing as he was driving, and instead half-grumbled, half-muttered, "It's the art museum."

Rob blinked at him and tucked his dreads behind his ear. "The what?"

"The art museum," Zakk repeated under his breath.

Rob raised his eyebrows and leaned toward Zakk. "The where?"

Zakk slammed on the brakes and glared at Rob. "The fuckin' art museum, cunt."

Rob smiled serenely. "Ah."

Zakk frowned and slammed the car into reverse, backing it into a parking space on the street. "Is that all you're going to say, you fuckin' bastard?" 

Rob shrugged and then winced as Zakk almost hit the car behind them. "What-- Watch out!"

Zakk edged the car closer to the one behind him and grinned widely as Rob made comical gestures apparently indicating the impending destruction of life as they knew it. "Watch what?" Zakk asked innocently as he shifted the car into park.

Rob shook his head and got out of the car. He slammed the door hard behind him and then leaned against it, crossing his arms. Zakk soon appeared in front of him, hands in his pockets, hair covering his face as he stared, apparently fascinated at a puddle of water between their feet. Rob laughed, thinking how innocent Zakk looked, and then tilted his head up, staring at the vast marble columns behind Zakk's back.

Zakk looked up, his eyes sparking angrily at Rob. "I knew you were going to be like this."

Rob blinked, confused. "Be like what?"

Zakk growled and turned his back to Rob, hunching his shoulders. "If you don't want to come in with me, just fuckin' say so."

"Huh?" Rob said and then quickly added, "What? No. I'm cool with this."

Zakk tossed his hair back out of habit and then reached into his back pocket, producing a white envelope. Without turning around, he handed one of the tickets from the envelope to Rob. 

As soon as Rob saw the title of the event they were to be attending he opened his mouth to speak, but Zakk was already walking up the marble steps to the entrance. Rob pushed himself off the car door and jogged to catch up with Zakk.

"Ummm…" he started to say when he caught up, but trailed off as Zakk turned and glared at him. Instead, Rob got into line next to Zakk behind two women dressed in formal gowns. Knitting his eyebrows together, Rob quickly glanced around at the other people in line and noticed they were all in formal attire. "Zakk?"

"What?" Zakk barked lowly.

Rob shrugged. "It's just, don't you think we're a tad undressed?"

For a second, the look on Zakk's face could almost be classified as embarrassed, but quickly turned back to his usual, scowling self. "Fuck 'em."

Rob shook his head and tried not to laugh as the line moved forward and they were in front of the ticket booth. The attendant didn't even glance at them as he took their tickets and tore them in half. "See?" Zakk said proudly.

Rob raised an eyebrow at him. "And you didn't even have to fuck them," he said before quickly following the crowd into the main gallery.

"Hey! Fucker!" Zakk shouted after him. 

Rob palmed his hand to his face as nearly the entire gallery turned to stare at Zakk. To his credit, Zakk just ignored them and stormed through the throng of people. He came up behind Rob and thumped him on the back.

"Nice one," Rob told him.

Zakk grinned. "Thanks."

Rob rolled his eyes and moved toward the first painting. He almost burst out laughing, but glares from the patrons around him made him bite his lip instead. "Well," he said conversationally to Zakk.

Zakk hovered behind Rob and rested his hand on Rob's shoulder. "Do you like it?"

"It's, uhh, interesting," Rob answered. "But you know you can always--"

"I think it has a nice use of shape and color," Zakk interrupted him.

Rob turned and grinned at Zakk. "Color. Right."

Zakk frowned at him and moved onto the next painting. Rob followed him in silence through the rest of the room. At each painting, Zakk would stop and make comments as to shapes, colors, periods, use of oils versus water colors and other such topics that Rob never would have thought Zakk would have much interest in, much less be so eloquent about.

Next to the last painting there was a foyer that was closed off by a velvet rope. As though he had every right to, Zakk unhooked the rope and held it open for Rob. 

"Umm?" Rob asked, glancing around nervously.

Zakk grinned at him. "Pussy."

Rob punched Zakk in the arm and walked on into the next room. Zakk followed behind him, putting the velvet rope back into place as he passed.

"This way," Zakk whispered, grabbing Rob's hand.

Rob glanced down at their clasped hands and then up at Zakk. Zakk just grinned at him in the half-light coming from room they had left behind. He tugged at Rob's hand, leading him into the dark. 

"Where are we-- Fuck!" Rob whispered and then shouted as his shin hit something.

"Shut up, fucker," Zakk whispered harshly and yanked at his hand.

Rob grunted and felt around blindly until he realized he had bumped into a marble bench and sat down on it.

They sat in silence as Rob waited for Zakk to explain what the hell they were doing. After awhile, Rob gave up and asked, "What the fuck?"

"I thought you liked art," Zakk said.

"I do," Rob said. "But you don't. So what the fuck are we doing here? Lesbian art? You could've rented porn for less."

"Fuck you," Zakk growled.

Rob laughed. "Oh, please. Don't tell me you actually came here for the art." As Rob's eyes adjusted to the dark he could see Zakk shift in his seat, his blond hair covering his face. 

"Is that so hard to believe?" Zakk asked him, turning his face toward Rob.

Rob found himself reaching out to touch Zakk's shoulder. "Listen, man, I just didn't expect this from… you."

Zakk shrugged his hand away. "From a dumb metal-head, you mean."

"No!" Rob protested. "I mean." He faltered for words and instead lapsed into silence. 

Zakk sighed loudly and glanced out of the corner of his eye at Rob. Rob felt Zakk's eyes on him and glanced at Zakk out of the corner of his eye, but Zakk was already staring into the darkness. They continued this game until Rob finally gave up and turned away.

Zakk coughed nervously. Rob crossed his arms over his chest. Zakk slid closer to Rob. Rob tried really hard to stay still.

"I shouldn't have taken you here," Zakk muttered, picking at his jeans.

"Zakk, man--"

Before Rob could finish his sentence, Zakk had grabbed his shoulders and spun him around to face him. "Don't hurt me?" Rob joked, wincing slightly. Zakk laughed and shoved at Rob's shoulders lightly. Rob didn't find the push to be all that light and almost fell off the bench; except for at the last second Zakk grabbed him by the collar of his jean jacket.

Rob squinted at Zakk in the dark. "Thanks, although it's all your fault."

"Fuck off," Zakk said quietly, staring directly into Rob's eyes.

Rob swallowed hard and shrugged Zakk's hands away. "We done here or what?" he asked as he looked off toward the foyer.

Zakk abruptly stood up, tossing his hair back. "Yeah." Then he stomped over and opened the velvet rope again. 

Rob followed him and passed through the crowd of people, trying not to blush when people seemed to point and stare at him. Without even looking back, he walked out of the museum and out onto the steps. Taking a deep breath of the cold, night air, he leaned against a marble column and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Thanks for waiting," Zakk barked as he walked past Rob and jogged down the steps.

Rob sighed and wandered after him. By the time he reached the car, Zakk had already gotten in and started it up. "Don't say a fuckin' word," Zakk warned Rob as he slid into the passenger side.

Rob held up his hands and slumped down in his seat. As Zakk pulled out of the parking spot and then down the road, Rob occasionally glanced nervously in his direction. Zakk ignored him completely and stared stone-faced out the windshield instead. 

When they were almost at the hotel, Rob finally got the courage to speak up and sat up straight in his seat, playing with one of his dreads. "Listen, Zakk, ummm, we're cool, right?"

"Yeah," Zakk said coldly.

Rob snorted. "Liar."

"Fuck you."

"You wish," Rob retorted. The second he said it, Rob wished he could take it back. Zakk's face became even stonier and his lips turned white as he pressed them together. "Oh," Rob said softly when Zakk remained silent.

"Forget it," Zakk said as he pulled the car up to the hotel valet.

Zakk jerked the car to a stop and jumped out, tossing the keys in the general direction of the valet before storming into the lobby. Rob shuffled after him and caught up to him at the elevator bank.

"When did you-- I mean-- What the fuck, man?" Rob stumbled for a question before finally spitting out the last one.

"I said forget it," Zakk said gruffly, hitting the up button repeatedly.

"That doesn't make it come any faster, you know," Rob couldn't help but comment.

Zakk spun around and glared at him. "Leave me alone."

Rob forced himself to stare right back at Zakk. "First you tell me, are we okay?"

Zakk relaxed slightly. "Yeah," he mumbled before turning back to the elevator bank.

"Good," Rob said, leaning past Zakk to hit the up button, as he did, the door to his right opened. Gesturing toward it, Rob smiled widely up at Zakk. "Ladies first."

Zakk growled and shoved Rob into the elevator. As Rob's back hit the wall, Zakk raised his fist and punched Rob hard, hitting his left cheek. Rob's head snapped to the side and his arms flailed back, slapping the wood paneling. "Feel better?" Rob mocked as he slowly turned his head back to face Zakk, reaching up with his left arm to rub his cheek.

Zakk barred his teeth at Rob and punched him again, this time in the gut. Rob wheezed and doubled over for a second, trying to catch his breath. "You like that, don't you?" Rob spat at Zakk's feet. "Bitch."

Zakk bristled and started to turn away from Rob, not wanting to make things worse between them. Before he could, Rob grabbed Zakk's shoulder and shoved him against the back wall. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Rob demanded.

Zakk snarled at him. "You, you homophobic bastard."

Rob blinked rapidly and stepped back. "Wha-- What?"

Zakk followed him, glaring down at him. "Fucker."

Rob shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "No! I mean, I'm not homophobic. I was just fucking with you," he clarified.

Zakk stood down and took a deep breath. He stared at the ceiling for a second and then looked back down at Rob. "There's a time and a place."

"Something you should learn your-fucking-self," Rob muttered, rubbing his cheek. "And you didn't have to hit me, you barbaric fucker."

Zakk shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. Rob glared at his back and continued to rub the sting out of his cheek. "What were you going to do? Fuck me in the museum?" Rob asked as the elevator doors slid open, revealing the Osbourne family.

"Good evening, m'lads," Ozzy said, smiling at them.

"Hey," Zakk mumbled, sliding past them. 

"Hello," Rob said, avoiding their eyes as he followed after Zakk.

They could hear Jack and Kelly giggling all the way down the hallway. "Stupid kids," Zakk said as he fumbled in his pocket for his key card.

"Yeah," Rob agreed absently as he leaned against the wall. "Uhhh. I hate to sound all girly and shit, but can we talk?"

"Whatever," Zakk answered as he finally found his key and opened the door. 

He walked into the room and took off his coat, throwing it at a chair. Rob followed after him and shut the door. 

"Want a drink?" Zakk asked without turning around.

"I think we should be sober for this," Rob said seriously as he sat down in one of the chairs.

Zakk put down the beer he had picked up and nodded in agreement before settling down in the opposite chair. He leaned forward, his hair hiding his face, with his hands clasped between his knees.

"So," Rob started slowly, taking the same posture as Zakk.

"So."

"So," Rob repeated.

"So," Zakk said again.

"You already said that," Rob pointed out.

Zakk looked up at him and half-smiled. "So did you."

Rob looked away and shifted in his seat nervously. "Right then."

Zakk sat back against the chair and leaned his head back. "Well, this is awkward as all fuck."

"Yup," Rob sighed and tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Zakk scrubbed his face. "This is not what I planned."

Rob couldn't help but laugh. "No shit? Because if this is your idea of seduction, it's a wonder you ever got laid at all."

Zakk smiled at him. "Damn, you mean punchin' a guy in the guts ain't gonna get you none?"

Rob shook his head before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. Zakk couldn't help but join him. "I shouldn't--" Rob said at the same time as Zakk said, "I should get--"

"You first," they said at the same time.

"I should get you some ice," Zakk said quickly.

Rob touched his swollen cheek lightly. "Nah. It's nothing, man."

Zakk rolled his eyes. "I'll get you some ice."

Rob grabbed Zakk's wrist as he stood up. "It's okay."

"It's all swo--" Zakk started to say but at that moment Rob pulled him down and kissed him.

The second their lips touched, Zakk felt as though his body was weightless and slumped into Rob's lap. His hands automatically sought the other man's dreads and he wrapped his fists around them as Rob nipped at his lower lip and gripped the back of his shirt. Zakk darted his tongue out and traced Rob's lips before grinding his mouth against Rob's, crushing his body against Rob's in the process. Rob gasped into Zakk's mouth and pushed upward while pulling Zakk closer. 

Zakk pulled back. "Uhhh."

Rob frowned and pulled him back. Zakk shook his head and sat back. "Not that I'm one to turn down a fuck, but this ain't out of pity, is it?" Zakk asked.

"If anyone should be pitied, it should be me," Rob retorted.

"What?" Zakk blinked.

Rob rolled his eyes. "I got beat up in the elevator by some neanderthal who thought I was a homophobic motherfucker."

Zakk stood up and ran a hand through his hair. "Right."

Rob grabbed his arm and pulled Zakk down until they were face-to-face. "I didn't say stop."

"You didn't say go, either," Zakk pointed out.

"I didn't realize we were playing Red Light, Green Light," Rob said sarcastically.

Zakk cracked a slight smile. "Okay. Then. Uhhh."

Rob motioned with his hands for Zakk to continue. Zakk blinked at him. Rob sighed. "Then you kiss me again," he explained slowly.

Before he could say anything else, Zakk leaned closer to him and licked up his neck. "Or-- Or do that," Rob stuttered.

Zakk grinned wickedly against Rob's neck before licking him again. "This?"

"Uhhhh," Rob moaned.

Zakk paused and looked up at Rob, grinning widely at him. "And to think, you could've had this in the museum." 

Rob grinned back at him and kissed him hard. "Next time."


End file.
